Funny and True Quotes

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!

I know the voices in my head aren’t real… but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep.

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they’re like ‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ I tell them “You know… hunting elephants”.

I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favourite colour but one day you’ll need me to complete your picture.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!

I’m not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex.

Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

If you didn’t see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don’t invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends’ houses, and mostly places they have already been to! (hahaha so true)

I’m old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.

The road to success is always under construction.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.


– CdP


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