Guess I’ve been quiet… Been busy and a lot of things have happened all at once… As usual, story of my life, right?
Anyway. Actually I have some good news for a change.
I uh… Got a new JOB! Whoo hoo! And I am super happy, you have no idea. But you know. You don’t see an Introvert bouncing around all excitedly, unless they are alone haha…
It happened very quickly, and strangely, but you know… Although the drama (previously), it seem that it all worked out in a good way, all for good reasons and for the first time in a very very long time I feel like I am actually really excited to see what the future holds and I see bright things on my new path, and a lot of new changes as well as chances… and A Lot of New Things to Learn, and I just Can’t Wait! The more I can stimulate my brain, the better! (I just got to peek out of my little introvert shell haha)
Not too long ago, actually about the last three months, from say October backwards, life has been shoving me real hard and I have been honest to God so so depressed that all I could think of was of ways how to end my life… This is honestly the saddest most scariest thought I have ever had in my life. There have been weeks that went by where I cried almost every single day… I don’t think I have ever cried this much in my life… There was/is a lot on my mind, a lot of emotions that have been weighing me down since I can remember, a lot of new emotions that emerged along with some other stuff that has been tearing me apart. Just a lot of things where going on inside of me, things that always seem to take a turn for the worse, and things happening in my life and just with all that going on all at once, I just felt worthless and it felt like I just had no support from the people I should look up to, but instead look down, it felt like I always need to be the adult and the ear for everyone else, as well is the little bird who needs to keep and eye and ear open at all times… But in return there was just no one that I saw in front of me that can be of the same value, as I am to others. I had a few breakdowns… Silent ones mostly I guess, and then I just needed to contain myself again the next day… It’s not fun really… It was just the worst time of my life, and this has been a long and shitty year, up to now…
I am not really one to talk about all of this crap, especially not to people, unless I chose them as someone I trust. But you know, some things are better left unsaid.
All I could think about was how sad my Cats would be if they don’t see me anymore, and honest to goddess that broke my heart. Haha kinda cheesy, but I do love my Cats okay… I feel more for them, than I feel for humans. Because at least humans can still look after themselves, when others leave.
Anyway, Enough of the Sad Shit… I’m done talking about it, because it is OVER. The hardest part was staying positive and optimistic, but you know what… Even when I am down, I always manage to stand up again and again and again, even if I fail, even if I struggle halfway, even if I am shoved to the ground by force, I will get back up and I will become a better person than I was yesterday, thus I have grown so much in the last almost 4 years as a person, thanks to everyone who has been fake, who shoved me to the ground, and a Honest Thank You to the people who I could trust in the long run. Even if I unintentionally might have hurt some of them in the meantime as well. At least I know how to say sorry and ask forgiveness in person, at least I know how to be honest.
Anyway, so all of that bad negative shit is out of my life, I don’t have time for that or the people who causes it anymore. Try even once to knock me down, I won’t even think twice to open the door for you to get the fuck out of my life.
I am super positive, and even through the last three months I have tried and succeeded to be positive and I can promise you, even in the worst of time, positivity is the key. Really, you have no idea how things have just suddenly fallen in place, it’s crazy! But I am happy.
So BE Happy People, I know life suck sometimes, but sometimes it Doesn’t.
All in all… I am still waiting for some things to be sorted out, but it will still take time as it is out of my hands… Literally… More in the hands of my Lawyer 😛 and that’s all I can comment about that.
Next up is ABO Nationals 2016 @ Pretoria. And I will See my Buddies who moved from Knysna, to Thabazimbi, as they as well got a new Job there. Can’t wait to see them. Gonna have a good time, and a Awesome Nationals, and lots of Fun. Hoping for some Awesome Scores as well, as I have been practicing a lot. (You will see on my Instagram Account, I post some of my practice Pics there… @Chalou101)
Well anyway, Wish me some Luck… I have a good deal going for me if I Win. Hahaha (Wink wink nudge nudge) – and then Hopefully by December, I can get my Lotus Tattoo Whoop! Haha my Mother is not too pleased with me, but anyway… It matters to me, so only my Judgement counts…
Oh yes, I have been thinking randomly every now and then of posting something on Chalou101.theIntrovert, but then I get busy and then I forget what it was that I wanted to write about… So sorry for being so heavily quiet on there. It is not really my primary blog, and I do need time to actually Think Clearly, if I write there… Because I have a tendency of talking or writing in a way how I think at the current time, and sometimes it is confusing as hell, so I usually re-read and edit it a few times, as that blog actually focus on how introverts feel or think, or well how I as an Introvert feel or think, and well if anyone relates to that, then awesome…
Also I remember that I used to post how my Learning Japanese is going… I just want to say that I haven’t stopped, and I am still learning as I get the time. I am also starting to watch old Anime that I have watched before, now only in Japanese, and I can actually understand some sentences. It is not a lot yet, but it is still cool. There was even one Anime that I understood in Japanese and then the subs was wrong… God that irritated the living hell out of me, because it was the first time watching that Anime, and the Subs couldn’t be turned off… Haha, it turned out to be a Good Anime though.
Also, the Kanji I stopped learning for the time being, as it requires a lot of time which I just don’t have right now, so I am focusing more on the listening and speaking, as I catch that a lot easier, and I got behind on Anki… So yeah… Just saying. Because I am also still trying to make time at night after work to Study Programming.
Study, Study, Study…
I was going to take at least 6 Months off, well not off, but half day. I think I might have mentioned it previously, anyway, that didn’t work out for me, because another person from my previous work, wanted to go do a course and yeah so I needed to work full day again, in order for him to get that chance… But all in all, it worked out anyway as it should, as I am so so happy right now for the new job. Where I can learn a whole lot of things, a lot more, even programming with time, and I can move forward there… Whereas previously, it seemed like I was standing in one place and nothing ever changed. Like Same Shit, Different Day…
Although I am out of my comfort zone right now, but that is the best thing that could have happened.
Time for Success. Positive Future. And a Positive Working Buddy to keep each other on the Positive GO. Hahaha I am weird…
Good Night Everyone.